Monday, June 16, 2008

Personal computer (and uterus) on overload

"Husbands (and children) think we should know where everything is: like the uterus is a tracking device.” – Roseanne Barr

As the only female in our household, I had visions of being treated like a princess, or maybe a goddess.

I never imagined the males in my family would view me as their personal computer and tracking device. (Mom, have you seen my….? No, honey, but maybe if I turn my uterus this way…)

I was reminded of this yesterday when my teenage son glared at me, stomped up the stairs and growled, “You never told me today was Father’s Day.”

Huh? OK, I get that he might have missed the “Father’s Day” notation on the kitchen calendar or on the one in his bedroom where he records his various social events.

But how could he ignore that big white board downstairs where everyone’s weekly schedule and major events (like Father’s Day) are listed in black marker? And just two days earlier I’d even braved the “don’t come any closer and embarrass me zone” at his supermarket job to say in my cheeriest voice, “Don’t forget that Sunday is Father’s Day.”

When I reminded him of this yesterday, he snarled, “But you didn’t tell me that today is Sunday.”

So now I’m supposed to announce each day’s schedule? These guys expect entirely too much of a woman who has been known to put her purse in the freezer by mistake.

I’m drawing the line at daily announcements. My uterus needs a vacation. The last time I took a stand like this was the day my husband said: “Do I like to eat this?”

He never asked again.

7 comments:

esp said...

I'll never forget the day I was on a campaign bus somewhere (it might have been New Hampshire) when my cell phone rang. It was my son. "Where's my swim suit?" he shouted, by way of greeting. "Hanging on the back of the laundry room door," I replied, without hesitation. He hung up. My fellow busmates (those without children) were amazed! You go girl!

candy said...

OMG, this is so true. My son, visiting from st. louis, had nuthin' for his dad on Sunday. When I asked him if he had forgotten it was Father's Day, he got all defensive. "You didn't remind me." (And when we do, he says, "Why are you reminding me? Do you think I'm that stupid?")
BTW, I'm still waiting for him to remember that he forgot Mother's Day (altho at least I got a phone call).

A Little Guitar said...

danna used to always call me at work to ask where various items might be found. i was semi-proud that i almost always had the answer, too.

i assumed she was thinking that i had some special know-where-everything-is-located power. turns out, however, that she just blamed me for misplacing everything.

Pat said...

I understand completely. I've made similar inquiries of my beloved because if something is missing that my uterus can't locate, it's almost always his fault (well, except for the purse in the freezer thing but I'm blaming that on middle-aged ADD).

Kaye said...

"Do I like to eat this?" Hilarious!

I admit I did text all 3 kids and tell them tomorrow was Father's Day. But he makes sure they all know when Mother's Day is, too. And we do the same for our birthdays. Since they obviously have defective calendars, I give them as Christmas presents w/ all family b'days clearly marked. The ink must fade or something.

Teresa said...

It's not just boys. My girls are just as challenged. I send reminders of birthdays, [they just figured out my husbands birthday-the girls are 28 & 26]. My younger daughter has called from the middle of Virginia [we live in western NC] and requested I tell her how to get home. I ask her if she's facing north or south on RteX and she doesn't know. I finally figure out how to to get her to the highway and home. The next Christmas both girls received GPS systems. At least I don't have to give directions any more. But that doesn't mean I'm still not asked where things are. BTW they live in a townhouse in Maryland-450 miles away.

Barb said...

We used to vacation with another family--four kids in total. The most common question in the house was, "Where are my shoes?" The other father used to reply, "Let's see, the last time I wore YOUR shoes, I left them...."

That taught me to relax about it. No one ever asks me where anything is. I do, however, remind both kids of their grandparents' birthdays. And my son has only started calling on Mother's and Father's Day since he's been married. So Pat, the day will come when it will be someone else's fault for not reminding him.