Monday, March 23, 2009

Motherhood Crazy

A new television show called “In the Motherhood” debuts this week. It’s supposed to be based on true stories from real mothers. In fact, the program is looking for moms to share stories that could be “inspiration” for an episode. The show is a comedy, so I doubt they want sweet, touching tales.

If they choose a story, the contributor is thanked on the air. In other words, they’ll make sure everyone in America knows your past includes an incident worthy of a laugh track.

My life sometimes feels like a sitcom – but without the couple hundred thousand dollars per episode it deserves. So I’ve been thinking about whether I have any parenting stories worthy of a humorous TV show. I’ve already acknowledged how easy it is to embarrass my kids. But am I ready to embarrass myself on national television?

For example, would anyone else think it was funny that I rushed a child to the doctor, convinced he had chicken pox only to learn it was heat rash? Or would they laugh over the time my 4-year-old marched into his father’s home office to say goodbye before preschool and I yelled after him: “Are you wearing underwear today?” Of course, neither of us realized his father was conducting a telephone interview at the time. The woman at the other end of the telephone line stopped in midsentence and quickly ended the call. You can imagine how relieved I was when my son grew out of his “commando” phase.

I also wonder if “In the Motherhood” will accept stories from mothers who admit that at one time or another, exhaustion and the pressures of motherhood temporarily turned them into crazy women. These are the stories that will never be part of any “Chicken Soup for the Soul” book, but all moms have been there to one degree or another. It’s a good thing children are fairly resilient. Most seem to survive these moments of mom madness without years of therapy.

My moment of mom insanity involved a trip to an Ames Department Store with a colicky, crying baby in the carriage and a whining 5-year-old who wouldn’t take “no” for an answer to his repeated requests for yet another truck. To this day, I’m surprised no one called the authorities when I finally yelled, “If I’m such a bad mom, why don’t you just stand in front of the store until you can find a better one?” Both children were so stunned they stopped crying. I stomped into the parking lot with the baby in my arms. Once the 5-year-old recovered from the shock, he came running after us and all was soon forgiven. Years later, he’s not too fond of department stores. I just hope he never remembers why. Of course, I’ve never forgotten the look on Husband No. 1’s face when he asked about our trip to the store and I told him I tried to leave one of our children there. No wonder he took over the shopping for a while.

Did you or someone you know ever have a crazy mom moment? What stories would you be willing to share with the program’s producers at


Glimmer said...

How about this one? The hysterical mother who kept her infant in socks on his hands, due to the face scratching, until another mom had mercy on them both. And came over one day, baby nail scissors in hand, and cut that baby's fingernails while he was asleep in his baby swing. Swing, clip, swing, clip, swing clip. Rescue over, she swooped out to her next mission.


Love you, C.C. in F-ton, VA

Pat Remick said...

I had forgotten about that! Now if only I could find someone to take pity on me and show me a trick to cut the dog's nails, which totally freaks me out. Suppose a baby swing would work with Buddy the Dog???

Glimmer said...

You just know someone would holler at you for violating the dog's rights.